There I stood, playin the game

After a few life lessons, you learn to be suspicious of people. You can spot a 'player' a mile away, fend off a 'line' someone is feeding you and you can definately stay away from the dredded 'game' that we as humans fall so easily into playing with each other.

I decided to go spend the day at the mall with my daughter last weekend. After leaving Victoria's Secret, we noticed a guy in his mid 20's start to follow us. He was talking on the phone but stayed right behind us. I was paying attention to him the whole time and when my daughter finally said "this guy is following us", I hung a quick left into the food court. The guy hung up his phone and said 'excuse me?' I turned around and he started talking. Or should I say flirting. He asked if I was married. Asked me if I was in college and when I said no, he says "You're NOT in college???? How old are you???" I said, "I'm almost 30 what is this about?" and he raises up his hand and says "High Five GIRRRL You're looking GREAT, I would have pegged you at 22 easy.. let me guess, you're babysitting???" "hahaha, No shes mine" another high five "You can't even tell you've had a kid, you're by far the hottest Mom I've seen here today" At this point, I'm thinking.. ok come on, you've fed me all the lines known to mankind that get to a woman. But he kept on, and there I stood.. playing along.

I knew he was full of shit and I knew everything he was saying was rehersed (sp), line for line that he uses with everyone, and even though I hate when people do that, I guess my ego needed a boost.

After a few minutes of us giggling and high fiving <~ is that a word?? He finally asked if I could help him win a 'contest' (he was selling magazines).. he said it would take 2 minutes of my time. I listened to his sales pitch, which was very good!! But still said no in the end. He was upset and said I was his first no of the day. I said sorry and he went on.

Feeling suspicious, I kept my eye on him for the next 45 minutes as we ate lunch. Time after time, I watched him with his surprised eyes and flirty smile give women high five's over and over.. and each one of the women looked exactly as I did.. aware of the game but flattered enough to stay and play.

I could only imagine the talks he has with his buddies at the end of the day about how gullable us women are!!

Kids!

Ugh! What a day.

It is raining outside, the sky is dark and gloomy. Although we desperately need rain, I hate it.

Yesterday, my daughter was working on my last nerve of the day. Time and time again I asked her to clean up her mess and time and time again she ignored me or only picked up half of it. After being frustrated by trying to cook dinner and clean at the same time, while trying to keep on top of her and her responsibility, I yelled at her. I hate when I yell. At the time, you feel like you just can't get through to them or that somehow a raised voice will sound more stern or serious and will get them to listen better.. but it doesn't. It just shows them that you haven't perfected the art of self control. Everytime I raise my voice to her, I regret it the next day. I guess it makes me feel like a failure in a way. Raising kids is a challenge in itself and doing it alone is an even bigger challenge.

Hats off to any single parent.

Guess I just needed to vent! Thank God for blogs!!

Chaotically Cluttered

I never knew a house could hold so much.

After years of cleaning up after the 'storm' of divorcing a drug addict, I am still at it.

'Wasting Away'

• "Hello Gorgeous, why isn’t there a ring on that finger yet?”
  
• “You need to get out more!”
  
• “I know someone who is rich and handsome for you, too bad he’s married”
  
• “Hey, I know.. we can join a gym.. I’m SURE you can find a guy there”
  
• “Did you see that guys eyes? He’s handsome.. I’m gonna go talk to him for you, I’ll let you know if he’s single”
  
• “What is wrong with you girl? It’s like you’re just wasting away.”
  
• “I have two guys in mind for you”
  
• “Don’t you worry, some day, the right one will come along”
  

I think I was doing ok until I realized that 50% of all conversations I have with this person and the next are all about me being single and needing to find someone. Literally 10 minutes ago my boss and his friend stopped by my office to tell me I need to find someone and they are on the hunt to help me out! After deciding that I need someone rich that owns land, they left to their meeting.. On their way out they decide to burst through my door and ask what height I prefer.. not knowing I have customers in my office who are looking at me completely confused. I tell them.. those are my wonderful bosses who have decided that it’s time I find someone. After a few chuckles back and forth about how embarrassing it is, they leave. Only to return 30 seconds later and open my door by saying “make sure its not a blind date, ALWAYS see the guy first”.. with a face the color of a tomato I laugh and say, “I hear ya on that” and they leave again.. for 45 seconds and my door opens again .. “theres some construction workers across the street, have you checked them out yet?” Mind you, these are complete strangers.

“God willing, some day, a nice man will come into your life.” A phrase my Dad has gotten pretty use to telling me over the last 3 years. It kinda makes me feel like im part of the statistic that casts a title on divorced people.. as if we really ARE wasting away by being alone. Maybe it’s time to start opening my eyes again. Maybe people should understand that life IS ok by yourself. Maybe life would be better if I were to find someone. Maybe life would turn upside down again by meeting the wrong someone.

Maybe I’ll just continue the funny conversations people have with me about this… Who knows. But for now, I want you to know.. I’m O.K. I know it’s hard to believe, but I am. I’m O.K.

I think.

Failed Miserably!

After reading a few articles on Oprah's website, it led me to a quiz titled "Inauguration Quiz" - Test your knowledge on all things inaugural.

http://www.oprah.com/survey/world/20090112_inauguration

Ok, I went to school.. I passed the tests, hell I was at the top of the class.. I'm taking the test just to make sure my memory is serving me right............

-- THUD --

Out of 10 questions, I answered 1 correctly. ONE! And if the truth is known, I guessed on that one!!!!! So where was I during these lessons? I know I was there.. musta been the class I had JONATHAN in.. so it's his fault I failed so miserably.. had he not had those gorgeous blue eyes and handsome smile I WOULD KNOW THIS!!!!!!!

Damn men!!!!!!!!

Ain't No Sunshine...

(So many blogs written and never posted!)

Yanno, summer time gets really really hot and you just can't wait for it to break so you can breathe again.. but dang it.. I'll take summer over winter any time. At least the sunshine!! No sun is expected for the next 10 day and that royally sucks!!

I want sunshine!!

Happy New Year!

Feels like Myspace

20 YEARS AGO: I was 9 years old. We were just gettin ready to celebrate our first Christmas in our first house. (The house I own now) It was the year before my Mom met my (evil) step-dad, and the last year that I had any kind of happiness as a child. The day we moved into the house, I spilt red cool aid on the blue living room carpet and a ceiling fan almost fell when we first turned it on. I was in 4th grade and was considering switching my name from Missy to Melissa in school to seem more "grown up". I went to Garden School and lived with my Mom and Grandma.

10 YEARS AGO: I was 19 years old. Madly in love. The happiest I've ever been in my entire life. Had my first place (with him). I attended two semesters in college and decided I had no desire to be there anymore so I quit. Went to the Adult School instead to learn general office skills. Got certified in Microsoft Word, Access and Excell. I had been at my job for a year. Just bought my first car. Had a step daughter that I adored. Had a huge family. Threw parties at our house all the time. Was super skinny (ew) and kept my house super clean.. all the time.

5 YEARS AGO: I was 24. Heartbroken. In the middle of divorce. A single Mom. I just signed the papers on this house and was on the verge of losing my mind. Don't think I'll write anymore about this year lol

3 YEARS AGO: I was 26. Free at last. Living with Mandy and Lexy. Having tons of fun. Katie came to live with us for awhile before her baby was born and we were always hosting parties for one reason or another! I was dating Mike (for a few months) and was finally starting to come out of my shell. I was doing major work at my house to fix all the repairs that were needed and learned sooo much! I was still working at the same job and had just been promoted to the main office. I bought my second car, it was a Chevy Lumina (gag) but it got me to and from work and daycare! Kylieghs daycare awarded us with a set of tickets to a special Christmas play in Visalia and we went alone and loved it. I've been wanting to see a play ever since. My divorce was final this year and I believe I went out on the town to celebrate! After all the years of misery I had endured, it was well over due to celebrate the end of something so painful.

1YEAR AGO: 28 of course. Same place, same job. Kyliegh started Kindergarten. I met Susan and Lloyd who have become great friends to me and their daughter with Kyliegh. I because really close with Michelle and Sherman and was at odds with Chris. Christmas last year was depressing. It really hit me hard that I use to be so rich with so many people around, especially at the holidays, and now I spent the holiday alone with my 5 year old Daughter and 75 year old Grandma. I promised myself to never sit alone again on the holidays.

SO FAR THIS YEAR: I have had a very productive year. It started out by fixing some financial problems that I was having. Gettin all of my ducks in a row if you will. My ex husband has been gone to OK all year and my anxiety about him coming by causing problems is completely gone. Life has changed. Life has improved. I got a huge raise at work, during a time when most people are losing their jobs. It was Heaven sent. I've paid off some old debt, was in my best friends wedding, got braces that I've wanted my entire life, and bought a new car. My daughter has given me troubles this year with her attitude that seems to have come straight from a teenager, but over all, she's a good girl. I am proud of her. I'll admit that lonliness has taken its toll on me this year. I hate to see that of the past 20 years I've wrote mostly about negative happenings, but that is life. I again feel saddness this year due to lonliness. It is really true that money can't buy happiness. When I got the raise, I thought my worries were over.. but I was wrong.

YESTERDAY: Was Wednesday. Kylieghs 1st grade Christmas performance at school. I fought back tears as she sang her songs so nervously. She was beautiful. After her performance, we rushed to Church because it was the last night of clubs before Christmas and they had big plans of making Christmas gifts. When the night was over, I went into the room and her Teacher (at church) came up to me and said that they gave gifts to the girls to open during class and Kyliegh said she would save hers to open it at home with her Mommy. That melted my heart. When we got home, she opened hers and helped me open mine. It was a hand written note that read: 'Dear Mom, Merry Christmas. I love you and I love to pray for you. I would help you do more stuff around the house but I can't because I have other stuff to do.' Honesty is always the best policy isn't it? lol Wednesday nights are our special nights that we agreed for her to sleep in my bed with me and I don't get on the computer at all so we get to spend time together. I woke up once with no blankets, and twice with a knee in my rib. Life, is good.

TODAY: I thought it was friday all day and when I realized it wasn't I was bummed out because I really wanted to sleep in tomorrow. It is really cold outside and we've been in with the heater up full blast since we got home. My house is a complete mess and by the looks of things, it's going to stay that way until morning!!!! ... Sweet .. drrreeamms....

TOMORROW: I better get off my arse and get this house cleaned up before I have to live in it the whole weekend! I have an important video to get done that should generate $150. Hopefully I'll get paid for that and go pick up my new glasses and prescription for new contacts. It will be my goal tomorrow, to find some Christmas spirit.. some time throughout the day and bake cookies all evening. I think we're going to lunch for a birthday at work, If so.. I hope its Vejars... drroooollll........