Feels like Myspace

20 YEARS AGO: I was 9 years old. We were just gettin ready to celebrate our first Christmas in our first house. (The house I own now) It was the year before my Mom met my (evil) step-dad, and the last year that I had any kind of happiness as a child. The day we moved into the house, I spilt red cool aid on the blue living room carpet and a ceiling fan almost fell when we first turned it on. I was in 4th grade and was considering switching my name from Missy to Melissa in school to seem more "grown up". I went to Garden School and lived with my Mom and Grandma.

10 YEARS AGO: I was 19 years old. Madly in love. The happiest I've ever been in my entire life. Had my first place (with him). I attended two semesters in college and decided I had no desire to be there anymore so I quit. Went to the Adult School instead to learn general office skills. Got certified in Microsoft Word, Access and Excell. I had been at my job for a year. Just bought my first car. Had a step daughter that I adored. Had a huge family. Threw parties at our house all the time. Was super skinny (ew) and kept my house super clean.. all the time.

5 YEARS AGO: I was 24. Heartbroken. In the middle of divorce. A single Mom. I just signed the papers on this house and was on the verge of losing my mind. Don't think I'll write anymore about this year lol

3 YEARS AGO: I was 26. Free at last. Living with Mandy and Lexy. Having tons of fun. Katie came to live with us for awhile before her baby was born and we were always hosting parties for one reason or another! I was dating Mike (for a few months) and was finally starting to come out of my shell. I was doing major work at my house to fix all the repairs that were needed and learned sooo much! I was still working at the same job and had just been promoted to the main office. I bought my second car, it was a Chevy Lumina (gag) but it got me to and from work and daycare! Kylieghs daycare awarded us with a set of tickets to a special Christmas play in Visalia and we went alone and loved it. I've been wanting to see a play ever since. My divorce was final this year and I believe I went out on the town to celebrate! After all the years of misery I had endured, it was well over due to celebrate the end of something so painful.

1YEAR AGO: 28 of course. Same place, same job. Kyliegh started Kindergarten. I met Susan and Lloyd who have become great friends to me and their daughter with Kyliegh. I because really close with Michelle and Sherman and was at odds with Chris. Christmas last year was depressing. It really hit me hard that I use to be so rich with so many people around, especially at the holidays, and now I spent the holiday alone with my 5 year old Daughter and 75 year old Grandma. I promised myself to never sit alone again on the holidays.

SO FAR THIS YEAR: I have had a very productive year. It started out by fixing some financial problems that I was having. Gettin all of my ducks in a row if you will. My ex husband has been gone to OK all year and my anxiety about him coming by causing problems is completely gone. Life has changed. Life has improved. I got a huge raise at work, during a time when most people are losing their jobs. It was Heaven sent. I've paid off some old debt, was in my best friends wedding, got braces that I've wanted my entire life, and bought a new car. My daughter has given me troubles this year with her attitude that seems to have come straight from a teenager, but over all, she's a good girl. I am proud of her. I'll admit that lonliness has taken its toll on me this year. I hate to see that of the past 20 years I've wrote mostly about negative happenings, but that is life. I again feel saddness this year due to lonliness. It is really true that money can't buy happiness. When I got the raise, I thought my worries were over.. but I was wrong.

YESTERDAY: Was Wednesday. Kylieghs 1st grade Christmas performance at school. I fought back tears as she sang her songs so nervously. She was beautiful. After her performance, we rushed to Church because it was the last night of clubs before Christmas and they had big plans of making Christmas gifts. When the night was over, I went into the room and her Teacher (at church) came up to me and said that they gave gifts to the girls to open during class and Kyliegh said she would save hers to open it at home with her Mommy. That melted my heart. When we got home, she opened hers and helped me open mine. It was a hand written note that read: 'Dear Mom, Merry Christmas. I love you and I love to pray for you. I would help you do more stuff around the house but I can't because I have other stuff to do.' Honesty is always the best policy isn't it? lol Wednesday nights are our special nights that we agreed for her to sleep in my bed with me and I don't get on the computer at all so we get to spend time together. I woke up once with no blankets, and twice with a knee in my rib. Life, is good.

TODAY: I thought it was friday all day and when I realized it wasn't I was bummed out because I really wanted to sleep in tomorrow. It is really cold outside and we've been in with the heater up full blast since we got home. My house is a complete mess and by the looks of things, it's going to stay that way until morning!!!! ... Sweet .. drrreeamms....

TOMORROW: I better get off my arse and get this house cleaned up before I have to live in it the whole weekend! I have an important video to get done that should generate $150. Hopefully I'll get paid for that and go pick up my new glasses and prescription for new contacts. It will be my goal tomorrow, to find some Christmas spirit.. some time throughout the day and bake cookies all evening. I think we're going to lunch for a birthday at work, If so.. I hope its Vejars... drroooollll........